BACK TO CAPE TOWN
THIS TIME TO CAPE TOWN PROPER
​
Not a return to the lovely Hout Bay but to the equally lovely Victoria and Albert Waterfront in downtown.
​
We booked into the Radisson RED hotel (not a snip at all at £235 a night) which was probably the cheapest hotel that was actually inside the Waterfront itself. Right alonside the stunning SILO HOTEL, itself not a snip at a starting rate of £1,875 a night, up to £8,290 a night. www.theroyalportfolio.com/the-silo-hotel/. We popped in for a drink in their bar. You have to book and pay a deposit just to walk in. I ordered a large gin & tonic, special gin, not just Gordens. Expecting a really nasty surprise on the bill, bearing in mind the price of the rooms and the exclusivity. London price for that would be probably around £20 plus, here - £6! With a complimentary bowl of nuts and olives. You couldn't make it up.
​
The large G&T even included a fantastic view of Table Mountain. This is the closest we got to it as Sara remembered climbing it before and showed no interest at all in a re-match. This Sara's 3rd visit to Cape Town and my 6th so I guess we count as old hands and so are excused Table Mountains. Great view though.....
OUR HOTEL WAS LOVELY - BUT......
It was designed by some wacky kidults, who maybe don't stay in hotels much, and are way overfond of trite sayings and slogans. I mustn't complain but, seriously, just the crazy large numbers on the doors give you a hint of how it was a bit like living in either a prison, or a hotel for the appallingly short sighted...............
The whole place was like this. Slogans here, slogans there, but no f'ing towels in our room. I mean to say! But still, it was located slap bang in the middle of it all.
​
The Waterfront is just a mass of excellent restaurants, again, and quirky shops, and a working harbour.
​
And it was weird seeing Christmas decs up all over the place in bright sunshine and 28 degrees of lovely warmth. Gotta love travelling south for the winter!
TIME TO TAKE A WELL EARNED BREAK FROM SCOFFING AND IMBIBING.......
Time to open up our go-to trip app GET YOUR GUIDE. And we settled on a four hour Township Tour of the lovely sprawl of tin huts on the approach road into Cape Town from the airport, seen them many a time, always wondered what it was like inside, and had been warned up hill and down dale about never setting foot inside them as a little white boy, or in my case, a fetching pink boy.
This tour promised to reveal the delights of District 6 (abandoned), Langa (black), Bouteheuwel (coloured) and Gugalethe (mixed). We spent most of the tour in Langa with two really interesting black guides who were brought up, and still lived, in Langa. We heard a lot about the evils of Apartheid from way back when, and I was amused by their apparent total lack of irony when both guides explained that despite the coloured township being just the other side of the dual carrigeway there was NO, NIL, ZIP, NADA communication or camaraderie between the two. They don't go there and they don't come here. Not apartheid, no siree, we just don't like the coloureds, and if the bastards try crossing that bridge there will be hell to pay!!!!. But no apartheid, I want to make that clear.
The good news is that business thrives in the townships. What I loved was the sheer imagination of the man that started the business shown below, and his posters were everywhere. Who knew there was a demand for four such specialised services from a ONE-STOP-SHOP??? An abortionist, a penile surgeon AND an Independent Financial Advisor, all rolled into one. What a guy!
Obviously I rang the number, I mean who wouldn't? As anyone who knows me will be aware, I need the help of at least two of his services, what I did not realise was that he also had a lucrative sideline in dead chickens. What a guy! Sara made the salient point that he wasn't doing the reputation of the male black community much good by publicing literally everywhere that they may in fact be light in the trouser snake department. He took one look at mine and explained he could not work on the older model as the parts were no longer is stock. So a wasted call.
Another fascinating fact about the townships, apart from the amazing COOKING STREET where there were dozens of stalls burning smoking wood fires to cook recently deceased (as in butchered on the roadside) chickens, and some lovely sheeps heads, whole heads, a delicasy in these parts. Sadly no photos as just like our Favala visit in Rio de Janiero, there was a no photos of faces rule. In Rio they would shoot you, here they cook you.
The aforementioned fascinating fact is that in the township there are several distinct levels of housing. From the expected tin shacks, through the block built dormitories, to the most unexpected top quality bungalows with lovely gardens, slap bang in the middle of the township. The second irony of the day. This place is so NOT egalitarian. The two shots below were taken on the same street, just yards apart. Surely those guys in the nice houses get robbed on the hour every hour?
But it's amazing what a little bit of imagination and a lick of Farrer & Ball 'Dead Chickens Breath' can do to brighten up your shack.
​
And how once again it is lovely to see how my very own Mother Teresa has such a way with the local children.
​
After she had bribed them with a packet of crisps per child to pose that is.
​
Everyone in the township was friendly and smiling, just don't come back at night or EVER without a guide to hold your hand.
AND ONE LAST RADISSON RED RANT BEFORE WE GO.........
​
Who in their right mind decided it was a good idea to put a large metal doorstop right plumb dead centre in front of the khazi? Yes, you need it to stop the glass door smashing into a thousand pieces if it whacked into the bog bowl. '"Glass Door?" I hear you exclaim. Yes, a flipping see-through glass door. ​
I can just hear the daft young designer, "a glass door will be so achingly trendy Julian", "Yes but won't it smash every time it opens?", "Good point, well made, we will need a sodding great doorstop to cover that eventuality my dear", "Yes, but won't everyone tripover it?....... Oh never mind, the glass door looks lovely"
​
I tripped over it every single time I went to the loo, twice at night when I went in the dark. So that's about 100 trips in all. In the UK that doorstop would have its own firm off loss adjusters and lawyers working full time on its claims.
SO ONE LAST LUNCH ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Where the beers and the wines flow at never again to be seen prices before we travel to the Arabian desert, where the beers and the wines don't actually flow very much at all, and when they do they have scary numbers attached in Dirhams. South Africa, and in particular The Western Cape, has been an absolute ball. Could not recommend it higher for a winter hoilday from the UK. We hardly ever go back but Sara and I will definately be back to Hout Bay, maybe even next year.................... But in the meantime its onward and northward to Dubai for the next section of theis years adventure.